Communication Pattern Library

See the pattern.
Interrupt the cycle.

Evidence-based guides to destructive communication patterns in relationships. Built from clinical research and real-world observation. Prevention-focused — helps couples understand what is happening before it becomes litigation.

Both partners are users. The system never takes sides.
6
Core Patterns
5
Clinical Sources
40+
Indicators
0
Diagnoses
Core Patterns
↻
DARVO
Freyd, 1997
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. The three-step response pattern when confronted with harmful behaviour. Turns the person who raised the issue into the wrongdoer.
deny attack reversal
⚔
Four Horsemen
Gottman, 1994
Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, Stonewalling. The four communication behaviours that predict relationship dissolution with over 90% accuracy.
criticism contempt defensiveness stonewalling
⇄
Pursue-Withdraw
Johnson / EFT
One partner escalates, the other shuts down. The shutdown escalates the first partner further. A self-reinforcing loop where both partners feel unheard.
escalation withdrawal attachment
$
Financial Control
Domestic Violence Literature
Hidden accounts, unilateral spending decisions, information asymmetry about money. Often invisible until crisis because financial discussions feel "private."
hidden assets information asymmetry coercion
△
Triangulation
Family Systems Theory
Bringing children, family members, or friends into the couple's conflict. Stabilises the person triangulating but destabilises everyone else in the system.
third parties coalitions boundaries
☼
Gaslighting
Clinical Psychology
Denying the other partner's perception of reality, especially regarding documented events. Erodes trust in one's own memory and judgment over time.
reality denial memory documented events
Design Principles
01
Both partners are users. The moment the platform favours one side, it becomes a weapon.
02
Patterns, not labels. "This follows a pursue-withdraw cycle" is useful. "Your partner is a narcissist" is not.
03
Your words, not our interpretation. The platform shows what was said and how it maps to known patterns.
04
The cycle is the enemy. Frame the pattern as something that happens to the relationship, not something one person does to the other.
05
Privacy is absolute. Communication data never leaves the couple's account. Never used for training. Delete at any time.